Things that make me laugh

Noah - Mom, goldfish help me to sleep better

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Noah - Mom, today is such a beautiful sunny day....you don't want me to lay down for a nap do you?

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Me - Come on guys, we are going to run some errands

Eli - Can we walk?

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Eli - Dear God, thank you for Mommy, Daddy & Batman, and my Feet AMEN

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Noah - Mom when I grow up can I drink tea with a bag in it?

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Noah - Mom the big bad wolf is on his way to our house

Me: Really?

Noah: Yes but dont worry, he drives a minivan and when he gets here 

I will tell him to use his words & not to be angry.

Me: okay sounds good.

Men

Have you ever been told things like "honey you are so beautiful you dont need make up?"  I always thought these comments were just ploys to get me not to spend money on beauty products ( I could have a few issues)  So imagine my suprise when I was packing to go on our family vacation and my son walks in the room looks at my suite case and says 

"mom how are we ever going nto get this suite case shut?

Me - DOnt worry honey, I will figure it out 

I glance in his direction just in time to see him remove my make up bag

Noah - Mom we will just leave this here

Me - Noah, it will shut, put the make up back

The Tattoo

When I was 18 years old I decided it would be a good idea to get a tattoo.  Honestly I had decided it was a good way to show my parents that I could do something that they could not change.  I was an adult - you know.  I did not stop to think that, if they could not change it that ment that I could not change it either.  So here I am at 30 with a tattoo I got when I was 18.

My kids find it intreaguing.  It has been the topic of many a conversation.

Eli - Mommy, whats that? whats that?  Turtle on back, turtle

Me - Yes honey mommy has a turtle on her back

Noah - Swim little turtle! swim!

Do you have any tattoos that you wish were not there?

Duke Style

It was dinner time.  I had fixed our lovely little family dinner and every one should have been sitting at the dinner table.  Noah was laying on the floor next to our Basset Hound, Duke

Me - Noah get up

Me - Noah get off the floor

Noah - Im pratcing Duke Style

Me - What?

Noah - Im practcing my Duke style, you know laying on the floor, eating out of a bowl.  Stuff like that.

Me - Great, sit down.

I am pretty sure Duke just thinks hes being a dog, and does not realize he has style

Cleaning and Other Stuff

As a mother, I stive to make sure my boys understand a thing or two about cleaning.

Me - Noah, bring me your dirty clothes

Noah - I don't have any dirty clothes

Me  - Really? You dont?

Noah - Well, let me smell them

Mission accomplished.

Sometimes I let them relax while I pick up

Me - Noah, I am going to be cleaning the house while you and your brother watch tv

Noah - Good, Do you think after you get this place clean we could have some people over?

Me - What?

Noah - Listen mom, I know you are busy, but this place is a mess and we cant have people over until its clean

And last but not least - they help me in the kitchen

me - where is the trash can lid?

Noah - Oh that?  Well I tried to fix it, but was not able to.  How weird is that?

(please remember Noah was 3 in these stories)

Underwear!

My children have taught me how to incorporate the use of the word underwear into everyday life. You can use this word for everything.  So if you are in a rut and want to jazz up your life,make it a little less boring, i have been told underwear are so funny because you wear them on your bottom.

It can be used as a greeting:

Good morning Underwear!

Or in place of other words instead of good you can say - 

Well Underwear, 

you can jazz it up and say 

well underwear, ya baby hoo ya

If you really love someone you can say

Noah is an underwear head

Your welcome 

My Son - Proof that Marketing works

One morning I was getting breakfast ready for the kids when noah came in and said:

 Noah – Mom your kids are going to love the pillow pet

Me - What?

Noah - the pillow pet, I am going to love it

On a side note, Noah did get a pillow pet for Christmas and he sleeps with it every night, which surprised me because I hate stuffed animals

My Pillow Pets Penguin 18"

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Noah came up to me earlier today and said "mom are these shoes sketchers?" I said "no, I don’t think so" He said "well I need some sketchers, they glow in the dark", "oh okay, did you see these on TV?" at this point wes says "Noah tell her the name of the shoes" Noah "Twinkle Toes" then wes said "I am not buying a pair of shoes called Twinkle Toes for my son

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Noah got a LeapFrog Leapster Explorer Learning Game System (Green, for Christmas and he has played this thing practilly every day since Christmas.  This morning he came in and said

"Mom, did you know that Mr. Pencile saves doodle burg, is only one of many exciting games that Leap frog offers?"

I said "yes Noah I knew that"

Guest Writer - Noah

Today its Noah's turn:

Once upon a time there was a little boy and there was a mouse in his house.  His dad told him he had to catch him (the mouse).  Then they tried to catch the mouse, but he could not catch him.  Out of no where a rat showed up, then a bunny, then a dog, then they had a zoo.  They started selling tickets to the zoo, but realized there were not enough animals.

The end

On a side note - our home is not infested with mice.  Just incase you were getting that vibe from my kids.  We saw signs of a mouse & called the pest guy.  He has set some traps & we are sure we will catch the little guy.  Apparently this made a big impression on the kids

Hello Pretty Lady

Noah and I were at Krogers and he was about 18 months old.  We were leaving the store, and were behind this lady who was about 90. She was moving really, really slow, and we could not pass her.  When we got a chance to pass her I took it, I grabed his hand and walked faster to pass her.  Right as we are about to walk past her I see my little boy reach out his hand and smack her on the bottom 

Then he said

"Hello Pretty Lady" 

Mortified does not accurtaly describe how I felt.  

Here is a picture of Noah from around that time with some pretty ladies:

Im Dopey

My boys had recently seen Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and decided it would be fun to play like they were dwarfs.  So we were mining in the cave for diamonds, pretending we were dwarfs.

I started singing - Hi-ho, HI-ho its off to work we go

Then Noah said "um mom, Dopey does not talk"

Gee thanks

You Forgot to Feed Us

One morning I was driving the kids to school when 

Noah Said - Mom you forgot to feed us

Me - What?  You had oatmeal

Noah - Oh!  Well do you think when you pick us up from school today you could take us to McDonalds?  We can run and play and maybe eat some stuff.  Wouldn't that be fun?

Me - Um, yes.  But probably not

Noah - Oh, ....Did I tell you that you are beautiful?

 

Guest Writer - Eli

Occasionally I will have a guest writer.  In this case I am still the writer, he is just telling me the story.  So with out further adieu here is Eli's story.

Once upon a time someone shaked their booty and they got in big trouble.  Then they went ahead and played with toys and made some phone calls and put on their underwear.


Thats all I have for today
Laura

How I met my husband

My husband and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage on December 16th 2010.  We met in August of 1999 and were married in December of 2000.  We are often asked how we met, so here is goes :)

I was a freshman at Stephen F Austin Univeristy and did not have a car (thats a story for another time)  I was waiting down stairs in the lobby to go to Wednesday night Church when this man sat down next to me.  I thought it was the campus athest who went by the name animal.

He was a large man, in a black shirt with all this facial hair.  Then he started talking to me, and I thought "why is this guy talking to me?"

So our first conversation went something like this:

me: so like are you into God
Wes: yes (holds up Bible)
Me: oh hm (being observent is not my strong quality) well maybe I will see you around

So there you have it.  Love at first sight

Mouse in the House

I’d been sick and was taking a nice nap when I was awakened by this

MOM there is a mouse in the house! MOM there is a mouse in the house!

I was not totally taken off guard but I thought they had seen it.

Me: what?
Noah: there is a mouse in the house, but don’t worry we are going to catch it
Me: what?
Eli: ya we have our mouse catching stuff on

Me: What?

Kids: Look mom gloves and stuff

(note jewerly box to place caught mouse in & gloves to protect their hands)

After taking a look at their get-up I realised they had thought of everything and sent them down to their dad.

Flushing Momma

We were on a family vacation in Memphis Tn when the kids ran into the hotel bath room

N: daddy, where is mommy?

Wes: I flushed her

N (running to potty & looking in) Momma!...Momma!!!why did you flush her. How will we get her back?

I hear all this going on from the hotel bed room, so I run in (my hair was wet from the shower) Daddy! Why did you flush me? Please don’t do that again

N: are you guys kidding me?

Can anyone say psychiatric bills in the future?

Bottoms are Funny

Right before New Years N (4), E (3) and myself came down with strep throat. I went to the minute clinic at CVS and had made the kids an appointment for later that evening with their doctor.

Now before I go any further I want you to imagine you are at CVS not feeling well and your with this guy: (the one at the very end)



Thank you Monday night football. My kids think this guy is so funny, so funny in fact that he needs to be duplicated at home, at the grocery store, and even at CVS when mommy was feeling like crap.

E: Hello Mr. Doctor
Me: E she’s a woman
E: Hello Mr Doctor
Woman: I am a nurse
Me: Lets just be quite
N: “diaper head” (while doing Booty slapping dance)


So I convince Wes that I feel bad and he needs to take the kids to the doctor. Its decided they need a shot, no biggie they should be prepared for this.
Nurse: Okay lets pull down your pants so we can give you a shot
N : (Pulls down pants…..no underwear are on)
Wes: looks at N “Why don’t you have underwear on?”
Nurse: laughs give shot

E :pulls pants down, no underwear
Wes: well look at you no underwear and your pants are on back wards
Nurse: (to E) please don’t pee on me

Now before you all look at me – I put underwear on them and at some point during the day they decided they did not need them & took them off

What tv commercials do your kids copy?

Thank you Ke$ha

On New Years Eve I went to sleep early, my husband stayed up with the kids doing fun New Years eve stuff. He thought it would be safe to watch Rocking New Years Eve with the kids. Then she came out




Basically wearing underwear.


N: Dad that girl has no pants on!
E: Ya Dad she is in her underwear!
Dad: (thinking)
N: why is she in her underwear?
Dad: Yes, she is in her underwear isn’t she? This is the kind of girl you never want to bring home to your mother. Make sure you bring home a girl who has pants on (score for dad)

Fast forward to the morning

Me (making waffles)
E: Mom I am going to bring home a girl wearing underwear
Me: Oh ya? Well she better have pants on over her underwear
E: no just underwear
Me: Hmm, well she cant come inside and you will be locked in your room for the rest of your life
E: I was just kidding, she will have pants on

How about you?  Have you ever thought something was okay and then turned out it was not?