Tongs please

My dad is a funny guy and one day one of our ducks died (yes we ended up with two..that girl I knew was my sister) So my dad dresses for the occasion.  

He came in the living room wearing:

a rain coat

rain boots

A hat

and had a pair of salad tongs in his hands.

Then he said, "im going to get the duck"

Everyone rolled their eyes, and he went out and buried the duck

Well a few days went by and my brother who was about 7 or 8 comes inside and comes to my mother and  I who are in the kitchen, then he says "SOMEBODY GET ME THE TAMPONS"

Mom: What?

Brother: The duck is dead, I need the tampons

Mom: you mean the tongs?

Me: hahahahahahahahahahaha

Brother: oh ya the tongs

me: hahahahahahah

And that is the story of tampons being confused with tongs.

I would like a duck please

A girl I knew had two boys give her dogs (the dogs still live with her mom 10 years later) 

and one boy who gave her a duck.  Yes a duck.

It was her 15th birthday and she had a party.  All her friends and her boyfriend 

were there watching her open the presents.  She had finished opening 

her presents but she knew the boy had gotten her something special

....something big....something every high school girl wants.

So he went to the back and brought her a box, shes all smiles, he places the box in her lap.

Boy: Okay open it

Girl (opens box) oh...its a DUCK...thank you I love it!

Boy: you do, I thought you would

And that is how this girl I knew got a pet duck

I look like poop

It was cold out side, so cold.  Okay it was cold for Texas weather.  Around here it goes from 70 to 30 with no notice.  I guess there is notice if you watch the news.  But I do not.  The kids were at their grandparents house and Gramps was taking them to the park.  Since they had no jackets gramps took off his hoody, rolled up the sleaves and put it on Eli.  This came with much protesting.

Eli - I dont want to wear this

Gramps - you have to

Eli - I dont want to

Gramps - if you want to play you have to

So they played, then they decided to go somewhere else.  So Gramps took off the hoody and buckled Eli into his car seat

Eli - Gramps do I have to wear this again?

Gramps - Yes if you want to play outside

Eli - This (grabbing the jacket) looks like poop gramps, it looks like poop

Gramps (shocked) - well you have to wear the jacket, or a hat

Eli  - I will wear the hat

I like to be naked

It was pizza and pajama day for the kids at school.  They were so excited.  Noah woke up and changed his pajamas, put on his shoes and was ready for school.  Noah chose to wear pajamas with the feet, the kind that are one piece and zip all the way up, and Eli chose to wear the kind with a top and a bottom The kiddos were droped off at school with no problem. 

I pick them up from school and as we are walking in the hallway I turn my head to see Noah has unzipped his pajamas, has both arms out of his pajamas and is getting naked.

Me - Noah!!!  What are you doing?  Put your pajamas back on.

There is a little girl behind us who is covering her eyes, her mom is laughing hysterically

Noah - i just like to be like this

Me - Put them on now

We continue in to the parking lot, I may have been muttering something about being mortified (I do this a lot)  I turn my head and hes got his pajamas un zipped agian, this time its like Dog the bounty hunter style, you know just the chest exposted.

Me - "Noah, I swear zip up your clothes and dont let it happen agian"

This father whipped his head around to see what child was undressing

Noah - Mom, I just like it like this

Me - Noah, keep your clothes on.

Beauty Help

I dont know what I would do with out my kiddos to give me hair tips.  

I was sitting down stairs having coffee when Eli came and sat in my lap.  He took a look at me and moved some of my hair to the left side, he made a face and said "no" then he took my hair and moved it to the right side and said "no....mom, I think you need a shower"

While I was blow drying my hair Noah pointed at a bottle of hair oil I have and said

"Mom, will this stuff calm your hair?"

Me - Yes

Noah - Good

Happy Groundhogs Day

Eli's prediction is that the groundhog is going to stick his nose out and say "Its too cold to come out and see my shaddow, I am staying in"

We will see if he is right

Stay in bed

Occasionally I do something I call creative parenting.  This was one of those nights.  We had told Noah and told him to stay in bed.  It was not working, we would hear something at the top of the stairs turn around and there he was.

I told Wes I was going up stairs (I thought I was)  then when I got to the top of the stairs I had an idea.  I yelled down "I have decided to come back downstairs!" then I crouched and waited.  It did not take long.  About three minuets later Noah comes to the top of the stairs

Me - BOOOO

Noah - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me - What are you doing?

Noah -WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me - Im not the one out of bed

Noah - (laughs) mom you did not scare me at all

Me - ya, get in bed